Disclaimer: nederlands is mijn moerstaal * English is not my first language.
It happened at some magical point in time when I was 12 years old, watching TV.
Twelve years old with me stands for the age I had my first orgasm.But I wouldn’t want to get into that. Too embarrassing and too of topic.
And twelve years old means my first crush. While the two happenings had nothing to do with each other, together they made Twelve a pretty big year.
Picture This
Dallas 1982
And hear the compelling sound of that theme song.
Feel that weird rush in your belly.There he is with his smile to die for.
J.R. Ewing
OMYGOD
He was the meanest man alive, I hated him.
Now and who is that, the wife? With her foul mouth, perfect body and eyes to die for.
Sue Ellen Ewing.
Aka Linda Gray.
Ah yes, there you have it, Linda doing Sue Ellen… my first awesome unreachable crush.
Don’t know why, just was..Today I know I’m straight and don’t mind girl on girl hotness in between, in fact, I insist on it.
Back then the thoughts about this were confusing of course.How many times in my mind did I rescue her from the evil clutches of J.R.?
Before going to sleep with nothing better to do in that room in the parent’s house.
Are we glad to have past that?Always ending up in bed with her, mostly under the sheets because I’m still just twelve, not ready at all for the grownup stuff, just kissing and cuddling. And tell her that I love her. And she loves me back. Comforting and fussy.
Come to think of it, a bit sad, really. This went on for a year and a half or so.
She could’ve been my mother and no..let’s not get into that either.
While I had other significant sad TV related crushes later on, I feel it’s safe to say, my image of Linda Sue laid some of the early sticky bricks on the way to regain sexual consciousness. When I see her in this day and age, I can still grasp why I graved her so much back then. And feel right away that I still do.
On another note.
When I see JR today, not a trace of hatred is left. Because Larry Hagman is his total opposite I’ve come to enjoy the contrast, get a kick out of it. Larry is open, honest and surprisingly spiritual, (appearing to be truly) monogamous and with an awesome sense of humor. Totally my type, the kind of guy I’d marry. And if you’d know me you’d know that means something!
Funny how things can evolve like that.
Sometimes, when I’m totally relaxed, maybe sitting on a bench in the park, drowsy from the sun, nothing on my mind, I drift away in an arousing world of fantasy love. Enjoying and at the same time regretting this can only be so arousing because it’s in my own head.
I flash back to the eighties and sit in a limo between Larry and Linda.
And what do you know..here too certain things evolve. Until some oblivious insensitive energy pulls me back to reality, which has a website, where you can anonymously write about your crazy stuff.
ChinaBlue
