You lied to me, Jim, and I’m finding it hard to forgive you…
In the short span of time since we became friends, we’ve been honest with each other. Brutally candid was how others described it. We quarelled, we fought, and we argued all the time because we spoke precisely what we thought. Our four years of friendship haven’t been a bed of roses, but at least i could count on you for anything because I trusted you. You never knew how much i have admired you all these years.
But now you have betrayed me. How could you have lied? How could you hurt me this way?
When I saw you off at the NAIA airport in Manila last year, you said things were finally looking up for you. You promised to be back before the year was over so you could drag me to the “City That Never Sleeps”.
But you lied, Jim. You didn’t come back.
When you turned twenty-nine last February, you promised to open a bottle of Dom Perignon when i turned twenty-six. You said that would be your way of celebrating my so-called adulthood. You believed that i was still a brat at twenty-five.
You also promised to sing “Happy Birthday” from the observation deck of the World Trade Center as you sipped the Dom Perignon. You foolishly, stupidly boasted that I would hear your caterwauling even if I was half a world away.
But guess what? You’ll break that promise again. There’s no World Trade Center anymore from where you can shout your birthday greetings. You wont need that Dom Perignon after all.
But you know what hurts most? You said you would wait for me, you would wait for the rest of our friends while we sorted out our lives and careers. You told me we’ll live in the same house and look after each other so we could fulfill our one great dream of working in the United Nations.We had great plans, remember? So how could it all go wrong?
You were working as a legal assistant for a law firm in Manhattan. What were you doing on the 102nd floor of the World Trade Center last September 11? I understand you were doing research on bond trading. Knowing you like i do, you wanted first-hand experience when you did your research. Was it fate that made you choose Cantor-Fitzgerald as the firm to study? But why did you have to go that day?
I have so many questions to ask you, but you have been forever silenced. How could you leave me just when we were starting to spread our wings? How could you so suddenly be snatched away from my life? How could you go like that?
You won’t be dragging me to New Yourk before the year is over. You won’t be yelling “Happy Birthday” at the top of the World Trade Center’s south tower. We won’t be sharing a house in New York anymore. Worst of all, you won’t be coming back. Ever.
I remember when you asked me last year if i had any regrets about not going to New York with you. I remember smiling and assuring you that although I was filled with envy, I had no regrets about not making that trip. Looking back now, I realize i do have one regret. When I said goodbye to you last year, I should have hugged you tighter and much longer.
Calamity Jane
October 2001
