First crush, my 2nd grade teacher – she wrote a play specifically for me to star in because I was the tallest girl (make that kid) in school. I was smitten until “graduation” into middle school, where, to my mother’s appreciation, I had a crush on the sweet, chubby, science geek who sat next to me in Earth Science.

Then there was celebrity, celebrity, gay, gay, gay and Nathan Lane (humor me), who told me he liked my pants one night after I passed him on the street.

One of the biggest crushes I’ve had involved a fairly well known musician that I had never heard of before my friend dragged me to a concert. I was overwhelmed with my own sexuality when I arrived at the predominantly lesbian concert. I kept having all of these feelings welling up inside of me. I have always had crushes on women and men, but had only dated men at this point. Then, I was in such a wonderful environment, with a bunch of beautiful ladies, and I lost it. I was running to the bathroom when this musician stopped me and asked if I was ok. I had no idea who she was, but there was almost a glowing light around her – she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I can’t even remember if I had said anything to her, but I do remember puking my guts out for the rest of the concert because I realized I was indeed attracted to women and, coming from the South, I was not looking forward to telling my family. Later that evening when I was able to rejoin my friend in the audience, I realized…crap…my incredibly beautiful woman is onstage, singing to hundreds of admirers. And I had missed most of it. I had to see her close-up, so I got tickets to the next show, and it was perfect. She was beautiful. During that next show I met another girl, who wasn’t famous and was single. She happened to work with the aforementioned musician, and during our courting, I actually met this beautiful crush face to face once more. I got nervous. Really, really nervous. I knew I would meet her, I knew it was coming. What do you say to someone you have such a crush on who hears that stuff all the time? It’s not like we would ever be together, plus I was falling in love with someone else. So there she was. Introductions made. Hands shook. Now’s my chance to say something brilliant…so here goes…

“Did you see any of those strippers next door? They look like they’re about 12.” Stop talking, stop talking, stop talking…

She actually replied with, “Yeah… I have to go do a thing.”

Our interactions got a tad better with time. I at least stopped talking about strippers, though I did almost hit her in the head with a cue ball once. The other girl, the single, non-famous one, and I have been together ever since – going on 10 years. She lets me have my little crushes because she knows what it’ll be like if I ever open my mouth.